Your beliefs about money may reveal clues about your relationship

Everyone holds their own beliefs about money—what it’s for, how much we need and how to use it. But a new study from researchers at BYU says personal beliefs about money also shape the health of your relationship.

In a recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, BYU professor Ashley LeBaron-Black and her colleagues examined how these beliefs—called “money scripts”—affect couples’ financial communication and relationship satisfaction.

“Some therapists assess their clients’ money scripts to help individuals and couples improve their relationship with money, their mental health, and their marriage,” LeBaron-Black said.

They analyzed individuals’ attitudes toward money and grouped them into four common categories used by other researchers:

• Money Avoidance—Believing money is bad or corrupts people.
• Money Focus—Constantly wanting more money and equating it with happiness.
• Money Status—Believing self-worth comes from the amount of money owned.
• Money Privacy—Thinking that money matters shouldn’t be discussed with others.

These categories, widely used in financial research, help identify how people relate to money. (Interested in your own money script? A scoring tool is available here, on pages 54–55.)

These money beliefs often take root in childhood and influence not just how we manage finances, but how we think, feel, and talk about money with others—including our partners.

Using data from a national sample of 1,153 married couples, the researchers determined both partners’ average score for each of the different beliefs about money, as well as how similar or different the couples’ scores were from each other. They then determined how similar or different the two partners were on their beliefs overall.

“When struggling to talk with your spouse about money, it is important to find out if it is actually about the money—the dollars and cents,” LeBaron-Black said. “Maybe you’re having a hard time talking about money because you’re each thinking about it differently, and it is actually about the deeper values and habits toward money.”

Their findings revealed that couples who shared similar beliefs about money communicated more effectively about finances, leading to greater marital satisfaction.

“For those not yet married, look for financial compatibility while dating,” LeBaron-Black advised.

Of course, not all money beliefs are created equal. The study found that couples with a high average level of money focus—a belief that happiness can be bought, and money is never enough—had worse financial communication and lower marital satisfaction.

Even though people may not realize it, their attitudes toward money can affect how they talk with their partner—and that impacts how happy they are together. The study highlights the importance of financial compatibility and communication in maintaining healthy relationships, and the effect our financial beliefs can have on those relationships.

“If people realize their materialism is too high and is hurting their relationship, they might be more motivated to rethink their priorities,” LeBaron-Black said. “Though these scripts are deep-seated and hard to change, it is possible to change them.”